May the farce be with you

I don't know what planet George Lucas is from.

I bought my son a Star Wars action figure the other day. On the box read this promotion: "FREE Boba Fett with purchase of 5 action figures."

Well, if you were a kid in the 80s, you have fond memories of these mail-in toy promotions. Whether it was The Fridge, Seargent Slaughter or even old-man Anakin Skywalker, they were super awesome and "not sold in stores!" And if you were diligent, or nerdy enough, to clip the UPCs, you not only scored a toy, but some much-needed bragging rights with the fellas.

So when I saw a chance to get a FREE Boba Fett, I had to get it. For my son, of course.

I opened the box and read the fine print: "Send 5 UPC codes, along with a check for $6.99 to receive your FREE Boba Fett."

Uh, huh?

I guess George had altered the deal. There was no mention of shipping and handling. Just "hey, send us $6.99." ($8.99 Canadian).

So, $6.99 gets me - sorry - my son, a "FREE" action figure? Hey, I don't mind paying $7 bucks for Boba Fett. Lord Vader knows I've spent a lot more than that over the years.

Just don't call it "FREE." Say "SPECIAL." Or "OFFER USELESS TO RESIST." Or "FREE - FROM A CERTAIN POINT OF VIEW." I'll chuckle, shake my head and whip out the wallet.

Only a fool would call something free, and then charge people $7. But I remember a wise man once said: "Who's the more foolish: The fool, or the fool who follows him?" Of course, that same man also said, "I don't remember ever owning a droid." So perhaps I shouldn't follow his advice.

So then I wondered, maybe they didn't mean "Free Boba Fett," but FREE Boba Fett. As in, set him free! That's one explanation. And one that made me feel better. Like I was helping Boba Fett bust out of the clutches of some horrible warehouse in China. I couldn't be sure. But I was sure of one thing - I was getting that toy.

For my son, I mean.